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Auryon F. ([info]auryon) wrote,
@ 2008-05-23 01:25:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:15minutefics, crack, detective conan, fanfiction, magic kaitou

[DC/MK] Boxed In
Title: Boxed In
Fandom: Detective Conan/Magic Kaitou
Characters: A Certain Thief, Two Teens, and One Miniature Detective
Prompt: See Below Cut
Word Count: 2,201
Rating: PG-13 (For suggestive poses, and some foul language)
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this bit of crack. I wish I did. But I don’t. And I don’t own Trevor the hamster either.
Author's Notes: Crack. Crackity crack crack. That’s what this is. And no, I don’t know where the mice came from. (Probably borrowed some Tiny White Mice).
Summary: It all started at a Kid heist gone awry. At least, that’s what everyone says….

For the Community [info]15_minute_fic  . See below the cut for which prompt I'm using. XD

---------------------------------

----------------------------------
Word #22: Flair
============

“Don’t sit so close.”

“…Forgive me, but it’s not like I have much of a choice here.”

“Either you two shut up, or I’m biting someone’s foot off.”

“Why their feet?”

“Because that’s all I can reach at this height that won’t be debilitating.”

“…Ah.”

“It’s not my fault he’s practically in my lap!”

“No, but it is your fault that we’re stuck in here, oh great detective of the west.”

“Say what?!”

“SHH. Honestly! I can’t take you people anywhere. There are killers outside that grate – do you want to advertise our whereabouts more than we already have?!”

“Please detectives; let’s just be calm, if you can. Chibi-chan is right to be as quiet as possible.”

“…You know I really really hate it when you call me that.”

“And I love you too chibi-tantei.”

“Are you sure you can’t get out of here? I thought you were a master thief!”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t tell us even if he did. We’ll just have to ignore him.”

-chain-links clank ominously-

“If you ignore me, you ignore the chibi.”

“How the hell did you two get handcuffed together?!”

“…I’d rather not talk about it.”

“And for once, neither would I.”

“This is ridiculous. Either they find all of us, and then shoot us, or one of us snaps and tries to strangle the rest of us.”

“Doesn’t anyone have a light or something? This would be a lot easier if we could see.”

“Oh if only I had space to check my hat.”

“…You have a flashlight in your hat.”

-Kid turns his head bashfully- “Well….”

“Look, just find something that lights up, or we’ll just continue to sit like ignoramuses in the dark.”

“I dunno if the light’ll help you all that much Sir Argyle.”

“Look that was a long time ago, alright? I do have other clothes.”

“Yet you still manage to wear only the worst kind.”

-Conan stifles a snicker a little too late-

“....When we get out of here…”

-Conan coughs- “Then we can kill each other. For now, we should refrain on the bloodshed and focus on getting out of this…whatever it is.”

-A Certain Thief feels the walls
- “Hm. It feels like a plot hole.”

“A what?”

“Oh nothing.”

“D’you think I could reach your hat?”

“Only if you insist. There should be a flare gun in pocket six – ah, the sixth pocket going counterclockwise.”

-Heiji’s hands fumble in the darkness-

“I’d appreciate it if you could stop trying to poke my eye out.”

“Hey, wait. Don’t you have a watch that lights up?”

“What?”

“Really? I thought it only shot stun darts.”

“Thanks Heiji. And no, for your information, I don’t. Agasa has it for repairs after some idiot stepped on it.”

“By 'some idiot' do you mean Kogoro?”

“Same difference.”

“Can. We. Please. Focus. Is there, or isn’t there a light?”

-Heiji searches around- “Hm…rubber duck? Nope. Smoke bombs? Not so much. Kaitou Kid plushie?! …Er, no.”

“How can you tell the difference? Between a smoke bomb and a flash bomb, I mean.”

“The weight.”

-Conan is morbidly fascinated- “What on earth do you keep in there?”

-Heiji continues his search- “Hamster. …Hamster?!

-squeaks are heard-

“Don’t you dare drop that thing, put it back!”

“Yeah yeah, I will—OW!”

“SHH!”

“Hey, watch it! Trevor’s an important part of my arsenal.”

“Important?”

“Trevor?!”

“Sonofabitch that hurt! Your hamster’s got mean teeth.”

“Rigorous attack training.”

“…Okay, now you’re just shitting me.”

“I’ll leave that up to your discretion.”

“Woahwoahwoah. What was that?”

“What was what?”

“…I don’t want to get all girly here, but I think something just wriggled around my feet.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Edogawa-kun. Hattori already put away the YIPE!”

-The Kid is highly amused- “He put away the ‘yipe’?”

“See? I wasn’t imagining it!”

“Well, I didn’t pull anything else out of this stupid thing. It must have been in here the …entire time.”

“T-that was no hamster.”

“I think it was smaller. Still furry though, right?”

“…Hm. It could be the mice I had hidden in compartment 13.”

“…The mice?”

“Oh god. You’re not serious.”

“The mice?”

“Heiji, hurry up and find that damn light or I have the feeling that those gunmen won’t need any help finding us.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Hakuba’s afraid of mice, right?”

“No. Way.”

“… Okay, okay, I’ll find the flare gun.”

“You needn’t have put it so boldly, Edogawa-kun.”

“If it weren’t for the circumstances, you know you’d be receiving the mother of all mock-fests, right?”

“If I move right now, I will feel the mouse that is currently residing down my shirt. If that happens, I will panic horribly and probably end up breaking the wall down in order to escape. You will be hurt in the resulting chaos. I’m sure I will look forward to that, but for the sake of the others, I am doing my best to not scream. And my leg is, as of this moment, directly underneath you. Do you really want to push me?”

“Detective, I wouldn’t dream of mocking you about this little jewel of information tonight. The next heist? All bets are off.”

“Deal.”

“Hah! Found it! And it’s not a flash-light, or a flare gun. Actually – I don’t know what this is.”

“Then technically, you didn’t find it, did you.”

“Wait! That could be something even better.”

-an exchange of gadgetry and such occurs-

“I could, uh, try and get the mouse out of your shirt.”

“I’m touched, really Hattori. But I can’t move.”

“If I stretch my arm like this…ha! Yes! Now don’t move.”

“Didn’t I just say that I c-c-couldn’t…hsss…”

“Heiji? What the hell are you doing?”

“Yes, I would love to know.”

“You just make that thingy of yours work. Heiji?”

“I didn’t do anything! I just reached down – uh, here. Hakuba? Are you sure it’s still there?”

“…Haah. I think it moved.”

“Oh jeez. Then hang on.”

“Gah! You’re hands are bloody c-cold.”

“So many dirty jokes…”

“Don’t start.”

“Yes. Don’t.”

“Leg. Still beneath you.”

“Yes sir, Captain Tight Pants, sir.”

“My pants are not that tight!”

“This is hardly constructive you two.”

“Don’t worry Hakuba-san, it shows off your backside.”

“Woah! Hakuba don’t move!”

“I’m going to KILL YOU.”

“Ow! Will you two knock it off?!”

-Kid laughs and evades clawing hands-

“Let me go Hattori! I’ll – EEYAH!”

“Don’t move, seriously! I can get it! Take your shirt off, and we can get it!”

-Conan puts his head in his hands- “Kid, you can let me go now.”

“Just didn’t want you to get trampled; you’re attached to me, remember? And you should be entirely too glad I didn’t comment on Hattori’s possible ‘that’s what she said’ moment.”

“Well, I was glad….”

“YES. Got it!”

“…Did you really?”

“Yeah.”

-more squeaks are heard-

“Goodness, and it only required the absence of your shirt. If only you did that sooner Saguru-chan.”

“Please try not to instigate another rampage. I’m kinda small here. And it could be my imagination, but I think he’s frothing at the mouth.”

“I do not froth. I simmer.”

“And that makes it so much better for all of us. Now what should I do with this mouse?”

“We are never going to get out of here. At least the gunmen should be gone by now.”

“I concur that the bad, naughty people in black have thus left us – otherwise, surely, we would be dead by now.”

“They could just be dumb. Either way, it works in our favor.”

“And you should never say never chibi-chan! I think this should work.”

“…What should woreeeaaacck.”

“...To all those listening, I didn’t do it.”

“For once.”

“Heiji? Are you okay?”

“I do believe he has a case of Mice Up and Down the Back.”

“Hehehe…it’s more like Mice Up and Down the Pants, actually.”

“You still have the first one?”

“I-heheheeheehee- it’s in – ha! – in my hand! Gahaha!”

“And I never thought mice would come in handy.”

“You shut up, and get us out of here. I think I hear other footsteps outside.”

“Mm. And I can see flashlights. Maybe people are looking for us! I feel loved!”

“KID.”

“Oh alright, Mr. Grumpypants.”

“Hold still Heiji, I’ll, ah, try to get it.”

“Thank you for volunteering Edogawa-kun. As much as I’d love to repay the favor Hattori…”

“Y-yeah. I get it.”

“You know, maybe you should follow Hakuba’s example. That way you could shake it out later – but at least it wouldn’t be on you.”

“Hell no.”

“We have a few minutes.”

“Until what?”

“Until we get out of here.”

“Oh that doesn’t sound ominous.”

“Heeeeyaaah!”

“Oh right, Heiji. Uh, Kid, I can’t reach if you’re going to stay in that corner.”

“Fine, I’ll scoot forward.”

“How many minutes did you say we had?”

“A few.”

“I’ll take that as ‘I dunno.’”

“Hey hey hey! What’re you doin’ Ku-Conan?”

“I am getting your pants off. What does it look like?”

“It’s too dark to see anything! And I can do that myself!”

“Well, obviously you weren’t, so I took the initiative.”

“I’m really upset that I don’t have a recorder on me somewhere.”

“I think if you did, we would collectively find a way to make your life quite like Hell. That is, if we couldn't find a way to send you there directly.”

“Aww. You’re so cute when you’re being vengeful.”

“Could you two stop flirting for five seconds?! Seriously.”

“I wouldn’t say anything Heiji. My face is, ah, kind of in your lap.”

“Only ‘cuz you insist on taking off my pants for me!”

“As long as you don’t move, the mouse should be easy pickings.”

“We are not flirting!”

“I didn’t know you could hit that octave Saguru-chan.”

“Whateveraaaaahahahah! Get it off! Getitgetitgetit!”

“Shit! You had to move, didn’t you!”

“Five.”

“What are you doing?”

“Four. Just a count down.”

“…No. I know you love having a flair for the dramatic. But no.”

“Crap! It’s ehheheheeee further up!”

“Oh no. I'm not doing that!”

“Well now I can’t reach it!”

“Oh yes. And, uh, three.”

“You two might want to disengage yourselves. I’m afraid we’ll be leaving this place rather abruptly.”

“I hate you right now, Heiji. Hate hate hate HATE.”

“JUST GET IT OFF ME!”

-a scuffle ensues-

“Twooo….”

“Look hold still Hattori, or no one will be able to get the damn mouse!”

“Leggo of my arms!”

“For the last time, HOLD STILL!”

“One!”


……..

An explosion from the one of the ventilation grates on floor seven alerted the police upstairs.

A few people were already present to greet the cloud of dust and debris. Ran had been searching the area for Conan, and Kazuha had been determined to save Heiji from his own stupidity.

Aoko Nakamori hadn’t been present for the heist, but when she had heard about the possible assassins and other dangerous people with guns, she immediately rushed over to see if her father, or Hakuba-kun hadn’t been hurt.

So there was a rather large crowd that was there to greet the four young men in probably the worst moment of their young lives.

A shirtless Saguru Hakuba had his hands securely wrapped around Heiji Hattori’s wrists, which were up in the air against the wall of the ventilation shaft. A lone white mouse struggled in futility within Heiji’s grasp.

The Osakajin’s pants were about half way down his legs, with Conan Edogawa’s head between his ankles, having been forced forward by the blast. Attached to Conan’s wrist by a pair of inexplicable handcuffs was the Kaitou Kid. The thief was under Heiji’s legs, sideways, which puzzled most of the peanut gallery.

That is, if the entire scene hadn’t completely blown everyone else’s brains out of the water.

Of course, the boys were no better.

A lone camera man snapped a picture, the flash startling everyone into movement.

“Pick up your jaw, idiot,” Conan said in a small voice amidst gasps, shrieks, and fangirlish screams, muffled by Heiji’s pants. The boy’s eyes glanced up at Kid. “And you….”

“Oop!” Kid said, rather trying not to laugh. “Time to go!”

A loud SNAP, and a huge cloud of pink smoke immediately erupted, causing the entire area to be smothered in a dense fog. It was a mercy, really. That way the boys could go on and rearrange themselves, so as to also pretend that the whole thing was all just a horrible nightmare.

Hakuba coughed, accidently breathing in the smoke, and readjusted his shirt. “Well, all in favor of killing Kid for the sake of Great Justice, say ‘aye.’”

Conan held up his handcuffed wrist, “Aye.”

Heiji grumbled as he shuffled his pants back on. “Kazuha AND neechan are gonna kill me.”

“As long as they do it after I die of embarrassment,” Conan said, trying to feel around for his glasses in the heavy smoke.

“As long as they do it before this tape gets out, you mean,” came a familiar, mysterious, and aggravating voice.

As Kaitou Kid flew out into the moonlight, laughing freely from relief and hilarity, three outraged voices cried out as one.

“TAPE?!”


[[TBC? Heh, prolly not. Although it’s incredibly tempting.]]


(Post a new comment)


[info]sakina
2009-10-13 12:59 pm UTC (link)
Important notice: Do not read during any sort of class period. Teachers do not take well to random spurts of laughter even if you are trying to cover it up.

(Reply to this)



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